I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Vodka?
Forever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
