I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
