I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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