it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
