I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she told me i tasted like america
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
