Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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