What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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