I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
