I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
