Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
