he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
