I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
