If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
