a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had sex on a roof
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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