At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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