just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
