If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
