So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
