hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
