it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
