yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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