Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
