Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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