I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
