My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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