i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
