and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
