Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
