I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
