3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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