i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
