Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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