I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
