I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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