just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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