dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
two words...techno handjob
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
