just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
