How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
