john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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