I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
