am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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