I'm gonna have a badass scar
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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