Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize