This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
