i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
