I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
