I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
