Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
