Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
