we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
