he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize