FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
