hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
