sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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