I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
