I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
