girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize