They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week đ
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have âdaddy issuesâ. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
