I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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