Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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