The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
