what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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