Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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