saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
