I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
