Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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