he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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