some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
