you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize