We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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