I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
